Areas to improve:
- Add a soundtrack
- Make it clearer the shots in the forest are a flashback/ nightmare
- Duel narrative: Shots of Holly have a jumbled narrative. I.e there are shots of her in the woods and next time it cuts back to her she is inside, cleaning a gun.
Titles need sorting out
ReplyDelete2) 0.08 there is wild sound, could you sort this out.
3) Cut 0.32 to 0.34, start sequence with light going on.
4) 0.49 make this shot grainy and edgy and black and white as though it is not real, that the image is a figment of the imagination.
5) 0.51—0.54 terrible transition.
6) As Louis rubs his eyes dissolve (strong dissolve) into woods sequence.
7) 1.11 -1.12 add gun shot sound which makes Louis stand still
8) 1-23 or there about Ella taking off hood, make grainy again as if her appearance is not real but imagined.
9) 1.26 dissolve shot of Ella holding up the gun into shot of Louis at the kitchen sink.
10) All shots cutting from woods to Louis at sink, make very quick like a flash light, very fast cuts with sound bridge of knocking at door repeating itself as in a nightmare.
11) I suggest from the beginning you cut in with sound of knocking and gun shot and flashing image of Ella at the door. So washing up shots, cutting to running, cutting to Ella at the door, cutting to Ella in the wood with titles. All sound (diegetic and non diegetic) integrated for suspense and impact. This is how you will make your opening thrilling. As if the flashbacks to the woods are memory or premonition